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Author Topic: When you're 70  (Read 589 times)

Online iddee

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When you're 70
« on: November 19, 2016, 07:05:36 AM »
I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.
This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"
I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you." Cost me 6 stitches...but, 
When you?re seventy...............who cares
 
**********
I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Lady Clerk:  "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir??
I said "Nah... She's purty good  lookin'....."
When you?re seventy..............who cares?
 
***********
 
I was telling a woman about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.
"Really" she said, "Go on then... try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday." Cost me a kick in the nuts, but...
 When you?re seventy...............who cares?
 
*********
 I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
 When you?re seventy...............who cares?
 
**********
I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Cost me 6 more stitches, but...
When you?re seventy...............who cares?
 
**********
 
I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.?
I said, ?If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.?
Cost me a fat lip, but...
When you?re seventy...............who cares?
"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

*Shel Silverstein*

Offline divemaster1963

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Re: When you're 70
« Reply #1 on: November 19, 2016, 10:53:34 AM »
now when I turn Seventy I hope I can remember these. :wink:
 :rolleyes: :tongue:

john

Offline gww

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Re: When you're 70
« Reply #2 on: November 19, 2016, 02:28:34 PM »
Dive....
Quote
now when I turn Seventy I hope I can remember these.
 

john

I hope I can remember a few of them now.  People are getting tired of my old worn out jokes when sitting around the campfire and shooting the bull.
Cheers
gww

Offline sawdstmakr

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Re: When you're 70
« Reply #3 on: November 19, 2016, 06:53:08 PM »
When I am 70, I hope I can remember my name. :cheesy:
"If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed.  If you do read the newspaper you are misinformed."--Mark Twain

Offline herbhome

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Re: When you're 70
« Reply #4 on: November 19, 2016, 09:50:24 PM »
 :cheesy: :cheesy:

Offline Nico

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Re: When you're 70
« Reply #5 on: November 20, 2016, 02:10:13 AM »
I am 70, but I don't want the kick, fat lip and a dozen bloody stiches.
Nico

Offline divemaster1963

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Re: When you're 70
« Reply #6 on: November 20, 2016, 05:22:45 AM »
im not seventy and just gt seventy taken out my hand and elbow. they do hurt and dont want anymore either.

john

 

anything