Hi 50's around here last week. Golden showers all over my white car!
You all know me. I pretty much keep to myself,... quiet kinda guy, don't rock the boat. I've been holding back for a while now, but this new "development" has really got my blood boiling. It's splitting the country I tell you! We got trouble. I'm so mad I could spit!
I'm talking about Clam Chowdah.
The absolute nerve of those people to pass over that great tradition of Boston Legal Sea Food's New England Clam Chowdah as a food at the inauguration is like the final nail in the coffin!
Sure! This IS retribution! Those people might not really care for a number of things from our great "Commonwealth".
Sure, Ole "Give 'em Hell" Lizzie was a splinter under the fingernail of the campaign, but she's our splinter, dammit. And sometimes you just need that nasty little splinter to remind you how much you'll miss her when she's gone. She's got spunk! And you all know what Lou Grant thinks about spunk.
Sure Charlie Baker, the fearless leader of our commonwealth, didn't vote for (he who must not be named), but he didn't vote for (she who must not be named) either.
Sure we're a Blue State. Who wouldn't be blue with all this controversy swirling around us?
But THIS! Absolutely unthinkable. This insult! Manhattan Clam Chowder???!!! The name itself is like rusty hinges on a door. Irritating when you hear it, but not worth it to do anything about it. Just keep walking.
Why, do you know that it's illegal to add tomatoes to clam chowdah in Maine? Has been since 1939!
For ever, we New Englanders have viewed tomatoes in clam chowdah as an insult to the very essence of Great Atlantic cookery of the working class.
Chowdah should be thick, and creamy and... well CREAM colored!
But leave it to those New Yorkers to reinvent something and call it their own. I think it must have been those Italians in New York that started this. They put tomatoes in everything. They thinned out the chowdah to make it go further, gave it a reddish color and "created a new chowder". Sometimes that can work, but here, my friends, we just have to draw a line in the sand. This stuff looks like pasta frijole! I can't even imagine putting a spoonful... yeeessshhhh.
Please! Please you people. Call Roger Berkowitz! Call him now! Bring out great nation back together again. CLAM UP! This issue will do nothing but divide us further.
Make Clam Chowdah great again.
What next? Lobster Thermidor?
Payback is a beach, Mr (he whose name shall not be spoken). Payback is a beach.