Beemaster's International Beekeeping Forum
MEMBER & GUEST INTERACTION SECTION => HUMOR IS A FUNNY THING => Topic started by: pawallinsr on December 24, 2012, 07:58:30 am
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A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO WAL-MART
Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal pet, Knox the Wonder Dog,and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant?
So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in theworld to think of crazy things to say. :-D
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:lau: :brian: :lau:
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Good one, may have to try it at our walmart.
Joe
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that one asks to be stolen!! :-D
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X:X :lau:
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That is hilarious Paw!
Sometimes, if I’m on the ball, I’ll make up a crazy story when somebody asks me an obviously stupid question, but I have yet to come up with anything remotely as good as yours! Your loyal prodigy, Grasshopper.
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I need to show that one to my wife! I am not retired but I do stuff like that all the time. I do it to a point that I have a formula for it.
First strike up a conversation with the person in line.
Start with common facts about the item / story
Go to obscure facts only half true
Got to absurd with an personal antidote.
Smile when you walk away to tell them that you were pulling their chain.
Put ice on arm where small blonde woman that is with you hit you.
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:lau: best one I seen in a while.
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:brian: :buttkick: :nicethread: :lau: :lau: :lau: :pinkelephant:
Oh the guys at work are going to love this one!
john
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:-D that is truly a funny tale! Thanks for posting.