There may be a lesson here. Looking back I have to chuckle at myself. Of course this may belong in another area.
Well I know I've told folks that I get in trouble when I start getting cocky. Instead of setting my butt in the recliner I go and do something that I shouldn't. No surprise here.
Setting: Hour of sunlight left and backyard needs mowing, it all does but mainly around the hives.
Our characters: the moron (me), lawn mower (old and real noisy getting ready to cash it in),
seven hives of european honey bees (of various strains), a four foot chainlink fence
a walker, cane, and a wheel barrow, and two neighbors enjoying the evening.
Prelude: The moron assisted earlier in the day with a cutout that took quite a while. He is nasty
smelling, since his deoderant went over to the enemy about a half hour into the cutout.
His bee clothes were still smelling from the other days' hive removal as well as still ripe from
today.
The Scene: Since he's never had a problem with the hives when mowing the rest of the yard he decides that this is as good a time as any to mow behind the hives around the blackberry bushes. After all the bees are mellow and very laid back normally right?! (note; NORMALLY)
After collecting the lawn mower he enters through the gate into the backyard, mere feet from the entrances of five hives, dragging the mower behind him. The hives are nice and calm, as normal, there seems to be some type of flow on, but he's not sure just what. One bee circles his head lazily and returns to the hive after one circuit. Stopping about ten to twelve feet from his hive boxes he notices the old dog water dish, that has become the local watering hole and community bath for neighborhood birds, needs cleaning and refilling. Completing this task he realizes he forgot his cane and returns, via the same path he entered, to the house and retreives his stick. He also realizes he is wearing shorts and hates mosquitoe (-1sp?) bites so he retreives his bee pants (pair of sweats) from the back of the pickup. Forgetting that during the earlier cut-out a couple bees left their stingers imbedded in the legs.
Returning to the mower using his walker for support, he primes the engine disengages the moter cutoff, grabs the starter handle and yanks firmly. His back and the engine roars to life then settles to a loud banging bellow that vibrates the morons' bones.
As usual when mowing in the backyard he checks the hives for increased activity. There has never been any and he was not surprised to see any this time. Starting to mow he progresses about half way to the hives when he feels a short itch then pain under his right short shirt sleeve. Thinking a wasp had nailed him he slaps hard and grinds to kill the wasp and continues mowing. He is hit again under the left eye, then feels one in his short hair and then pain on the back of his head. Looking briefly towards the hives he sees a dark cloud of angry bees. Releasing the motor cut-off handle the mower dies and he retreats from the hives as fast (not very) as his walker can go around the corner where he is hit on the scalp line, above his left eye and his right ear lobe. Glancing around the corner of the house he sees the cloud has thinned out some but some girls are still hacked off at him and let him know by nailing the tip his left ring finger and behind his left ear.
Spying the water hose he gets an idea, hey if it works for robbing why not stupidity? With water flowing he uses his thumb to make a spray above himself and gets a refreshing rain of city water when he is hit above the left elbow. Spraying water or just squirting itover his head he still hears at least two girls hanging around buzzing angrily. He is concerned when he sees two neighbors enjoyng the cooling of a pleasant evening and decides he needs to get out of the yard and in the house. They later told him they had no idea he was in distress, they just thought he was cooling off with the hose.
Shutting off the water he starts towards the hives to go out the gate when he gets another sting behind the right ear. Realizing his mistake he immediately turns around and heads to the far corner of the house, three bees buzz him, still a little high pitched but not like before. Common sense tells him there is no way he's getting over that fence when he catches the wheelbarrow planter out of the corner of his eye. Angeling over he approaches the wheelbarrow and is hit again right next to the hairline sting. Passing the gardening implement he passes through some low hanging branches that runs the rest of the bees away. Grabbing the fence he feels it give as he heaves himself up and relaxes his grip (man they don't make them sturdy anymore, do they?). Pulling the wheelbarrow closer he puts his walker on the other side and prepares for another hoisting atempt, wishing he had a heavy equipment crane instead. Using one hand on the cane and the other on the fence corner he lifts rises and is stung one more time on the right thumb/wrist. With this incentive the moron seats himself on top of the fence and as he trys to move his better leg over he finds a quicker way to the other side. A quick inventory ensures no broken bones a momentary lack of breath and no more bees. He's not sure how he got to his feet but finds himself beating feet, so to speak, to the front yard and into the house. Just before he leaves the backyard he quickly checks the hives and there is still some activity, but not much.
Once inside he heads to the shower and asks his daughter to look out the window in the back room and see if the bees are still flying. The shower and HOT water feels good and he comes out refreshed,
in pain and feeling pressure in various areas. His daughter reports she went outside to the backyard and couple were out but they were fine otherwise. He then tries to figure out what he did wrong. (Kidding right?)
Even slow wittedness (not a real word I know) can make some progress with grey matter.
1. Lawn Mower was in bad shape
2. Too late in the day, but not dark, to mow as most of bees were home
3. Strong body odor, partially stale, from sweating earlier, not fear odor though
4. Very dark clothes and brown hair
5. Some of clothes had stingers still in them from earlier that day, alarm phermone
6. Cocky human moron available to stir or shake this cocktail together
7. Should have kept my butt in the recliner and waited, then used the electric weed eater
8. Taken pictures to start my own wall of reminders/shame that I don't know anything
9. Oh yeah...rain in the forecast for tonight
Total time from first sting to house; about five minutes...if that. I had a lot of incentive
No compassion from the boss or kids. Just, "well daddy/honey you shouldn't have anymore joint pain for a while :evil: :-D Good Night! Love you! I did get my normal hugs and kisses and bedtime prayers. So that helps. :lol:
Topic: My wife can safely say; "My husband is a an idiot". (Read 3568 times)