Let's laugh!!! Good for the body, mind and soul!!!

[Cindi]

Got a cute and funny little e-mail this morning, it made me smile, it made me feel good, yep, yep.  Have a beautiful, awesomely great day, Cindi

Thank you. I am eternally in your debt.
 
I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year. ...
 
Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels. 

I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because lemon peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces. 

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pass-time while driving alone is picking your nose.

I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the  $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water  buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God'  on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave  anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown   African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex offender waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...
Have a wonderful day...
Oh, by the way.....
A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

[Kathyp]

that was good for a laugh!  thanks.

[Keith13]

I had my hand on my mouse through the whole thing oh well

[JP]

I thought kfc chicken was mice that accidentally wound up in the fryer. :-D


...JP

[Brian D. Bray]

I thought kfc chicken was mice that accidentally wound up in the fryer. :-D


...JP

Only the ones they catch.

[Scadsobees]

I thought kfc chicken was mice that accidentally wound up in the fryer. :-D
...JP

Only the extra-crunchy chicken!

[NHKelly99]

Do all the things listed, except for KFC I gave up on that years ago, and live life to the fullest. 
We will all pass of something. Might as well have fun. "You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, you just can't pick your friends nose."

Kelly

[annette]

Love this, Very, very funny!!! I am not going to tell you which ones I do, but I will say it has nothing to do with a remote.

Annette

[Jerrymac]

Leaving ones hand on the mouse conserves energy, there fore it is the ones lacking the mentality to know this that are the ones that remove their hands after readjusting each line of the E-mail.