>>>HOW TO START A FIGHT
>>>
>>>One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a
>>>Christmas gift...
>>>The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
>>>When she asked me why, I replied,
>>>"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
>>>And that's how the fight started.....
>>>
>>> ______________________________
>>>
>>>My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we
>>>were in
>bed.
>>>I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
>>>'No,' she answered. I then said,
>>>'Is that your final answer?'
>>>She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
>>>So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
>>>And that's when the fight started...
>>>
>>> ________________________________
>>>
>>>I took my wife to a restaurant.
>>>The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
>>>"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
>>>He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
>>>"Nah, she can order for herself."
>>>And that's when the fight started.....
>>>
>>> ________________________________
>>>
>>>My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and
>>>she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone
>>>at a nearby table.
>>>I asked her, "Do you know him?"
>>>"Yes", she sighed,
>>>"He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right
>>>after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober
since."
>>>"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating
>>>that
>long?"
>>>And then the fight started...
>>>
>>> ________________________________
>>>
>>>When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to
>>>me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something
>>>else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always
>>>something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to
make her point.
>>>When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
>>>busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched
>>>silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone
>>>only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I
>>>said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the
driveway."
>>>The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
>>>
>>> ________________________________
>>>
>>>My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
>>>She asked, "What's on TV?"
>>>I said, "Dust."
>>>And then the fight started...
>>>
>>> ________________________________
>>>
>>>Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
>>>slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van,
>>>and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was
>>>blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
>>>radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went
>>>back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I
>>>cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
>>>whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
>>>My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid
>>>husband is out fishing in that?"
>>>And that's how the fight started...
>>>
>>> ________________________________
>>>
>>>My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
>>>She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds."
>>>I bought her a bathroom scale.
>>>And then the fight started......
>>>
>>> ________________________________
>>>
>>>After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
>>>Social Security.
>>>The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to
>>>verify my
>age.
>>>I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
>>>I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
>>>and come back later.
>>>The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
>>>So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
>>>She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and
>>>she processed my Social Security application..
>>>When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
>>>Social Security office...
>>>She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
>>>disability, too.'
>>>And then the fight started...
>>>
>>> ________________________________
>>>
>>>My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
>>>She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible;
>>>I look old, fat and ugly.
>>>I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
>>>I replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."
>>>And then the fight started........
>>>
>>>
>>>=
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