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Author Topic: Givebus more jokes, iddee!  (Read 362 times)

Offline Dallasbeek

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Givebus more jokes, iddee!
« on: February 20, 2017, 09:07:55 PM »
i just wish I could come up with the good jokes iddee posts!
"Liberty lives in the hearts of men and women; when it dies there, no constitution, no laws, no court can save it." - Judge Learned Hand, 1944

Online iddee

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Re: Givebus more jokes, iddee!
« Reply #1 on: February 20, 2017, 10:29:30 PM »
Maybe you could if, like iddee, you were just a big joke yourself. :shocked:   :wink:   :cheesy:
"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

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Online iddee

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Re: Givebus more jokes, iddee!
« Reply #2 on: February 20, 2017, 10:31:28 PM »
How's this one....................


President Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht.
The Pope accepted and during lunch on the outside deck,
a sudden gust of wind blew the Pontiff's "zucchetto" (his white cap) into the water.
 It floated about 250 feet away from the yacht and when the wind died down, the cap just  floated in place.
The crew and the secret service were scrambling
to launch a boat to go get the cap when Trump waved them off, saying "Never mind, I'll get it."
 The Donald then climbed over the side of the yacht,
walked 250 feet across the water to  the cap, picked it up, walked back on the water, climbed onto the yacht and handed the Pope his hat.
 The crew was speechless.
The security team and the Pope's entourage were speechless.
No one knew what to say, not even the Pope.
 But that afternoon, NBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC, CNN all knew how to cover the story.
Their banner headlines read:
 
 "TRUMP CAN'T SWIM!"
"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

*Shel Silverstein*

Online iddee

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Re: Givebus more jokes, iddee!
« Reply #3 on: February 20, 2017, 10:32:55 PM »
Or this one........................


Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.
 
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."
"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

*Shel Silverstein*

Online sawdstmakr

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Re: Givebus more jokes, iddee!
« Reply #4 on: February 21, 2017, 12:42:40 PM »
 :cheesy: :cheesy: :cheesy: :cheesy:

 :cheesy: :cheesy: :cheesy: :cheesy:
Jim
"If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed.  If you do read the newspaper you are misinformed."--Mark Twain

Offline Joe D

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Re: Givebus more jokes, iddee!
« Reply #5 on: February 22, 2017, 02:04:33 AM »
As usual you always come up with some good ones, Iddee, but you did get one thing wrong, we don't think you are a big joke.

Joe D

Offline GSF

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Re: Givebus more jokes, iddee!
« Reply #6 on: February 22, 2017, 10:34:14 AM »
The lawyer one reminded me of one I heard long ago. A lawyer was questioning a witness who witnessed a crime at night. The lawyer asked him,

You witnessed the crime was committed at night in the dark?
Yep.
Just how far can you see in the dark?
I dunno, how far's the moon?
When the law no longer protects you from the corrupt, but protects the corrupt from you - then you know your nation is doomed.

Online sawdstmakr

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Re: Givebus more jokes, iddee!
« Reply #7 on: February 22, 2017, 12:56:16 PM »
Law School Colleges really should teach their students to not ask stupid questions. :cheesy:
Jim
"If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed.  If you do read the newspaper you are misinformed."--Mark Twain

Offline Michael Bush

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Re: Givebus more jokes, iddee!
« Reply #8 on: February 22, 2017, 04:03:53 PM »
A kid and his mom are walking through the mall and pass a jewelry store with a sign "Watch batteries changed $5".  The kid says, "That's stupid.  Who would pay $5 to see batteries changed?"
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