Beemaster's International Beekeeping Forum

BEEKEEPING LEARNING CENTER => GENERAL BEEKEEPING - MAIN POSTING FORUM. => Topic started by: Buzzen on May 11, 2010, 11:42:21 am

Title: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: Buzzen on May 11, 2010, 11:42:21 am
She is dead set against bees.  I want some badly, even got my TBH built and almost ready. She says her 15 year old son needs epinephrine if he gets stung, but he comes only once a month. (lives with his father)  We have an acre lot so I have room to put them a distance away. She is afraid of bees in general, so i have had a hard time comvincing her they are not normally aggressive. Tried to get her to watch some you tube video of hiving packages and inspections where they aren't even wearing a veil, but she is not interested.  My only solution so far is to find an alternate site somewhere but that kind of defeats the purpose cause I wanted to be able to go out back and sit and watch them, didn't want to have to drive 30 minutes to check on them.  Anyone else have this dilemma? What did you do?
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: VolunteerK9 on May 11, 2010, 12:41:53 pm
Well, you could try what I normally do. I simply don't ask. But on that note, I am on my second marriage lol
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: lenape13 on May 11, 2010, 01:17:29 pm
Finding a new wife is always an option, but it might be better to find an alternate site for the bees.  Of course, with an acre and a half and seven hives, none of our visitors notice the bees, or the chickens, or the goats.  I'm sure you would be fine on your place.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: iddee on May 11, 2010, 01:18:23 pm
1... Take her for a walk on your acre and show her the bees that are already there.

2... Take her for a walk in a field near a known hive. Show her there are no more bees there than at home.

3... Then tell her if she won't study the situation to come to a reasonable conclusion, then you are getting them anyway, as she's being unreasonable.

My wife and I try to understand each others' side. If one won't agree to look at both sides, the other does what I/she wants. Not being reasonable looses the debate at my house, from either side.

PS. First marriage for both of us, 42 years and counting.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: Hethen57 on May 11, 2010, 01:52:18 pm
My wife is terrified of insects and bugs, but she is so fascinated by my bees.  Whenever I do an inspection, she wants to be right there to see everything, the queen, the bees hatching before your eyes, it is all so cool.  Also, I would suggest getting Carniolans, they are very mello bees, my wife and son watch me work them and looks at the frames without even wearing a veil.  We have 7 hives right in our backyard, and they are not a bother or stinging anyone who isn't digging in their hive  :roll:
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: The Bix on May 11, 2010, 02:06:48 pm
1... Take her for a walk on your acre and show her the bees that are already there.

2... Take her for a walk in a field near a known hive. Show her there are no more bees there than at home.

3... Then tell her if she won't study the situation to come to a reasonable conclusion, then you are getting them anyway, as she's being unreasonable.

My wife and I try to understand each others' side. If one won't agree to look at both sides, the other does what I/she wants. Not being reasonable looses the debate at my house, from either side.

PS. First marriage for both of us, 42 years and counting.

A man full of wisdom, good stuff iddee!  Grateful that my wife supports the effort.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: Scadsobees on May 11, 2010, 02:09:32 pm
My wife thought I was nutty before we got married, and I haven't done anything yet to convince her otherwise  :-D.  She wasn't surprised in the least when I mentioned bees....

It sounds like she, like a lot of people, may have a phobia.  I honestly don't think that reason or logic will do anything to change that.  If she isn't even willing to talk about it, then you've already lost.

You might just have to find that piece of land somewhere nearby to put the bees on. (or put your wife on!  :-D)
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: MrJeff on May 11, 2010, 02:10:06 pm
You have to be diplomatic. This year after a hiatus I started beekeeping again. My wife has no experience with it, but she warmed up when she realized there would be benefits to her. I hadn't even picked up packages yet before books started arriving in the mail on crafting with wax, making candles, and uses for honey.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: thebalvenie on May 11, 2010, 02:17:05 pm
listen to iddee

you both have to come to a compromise.  it sounds like she might not be willing to do that given what she knows about bees.  so continue educating her and others about bees and in due time she should BEE on board ;)  also, assure her that you'll epi shots on site and you all can discuss in depth to her son about bees and how to administer epi shots for him.  but in theory, he shouldn't have to worry as long as he's not messing with the hive. 

good luck!!!

Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: greenbtree on May 11, 2010, 02:49:58 pm
You may have to educate her slowly so she doesn't get her back up.  But if it helps to tell her about others you can mention that as far as I know I am allergic to bee stings.  I have never been officially tested but last time I was stung as a child my foot swelled to the size of a football.  I am now 52 and have never been stung since - learned not to go barefoot in clover.  Also learned that if you leave the bees alone they will leave you alone.
Despite my reaction to bee stings my son and I have taken up beekeeping.  They are just so cool!  If I have to mess with the bees I wear full kit (My son, who does not seem to inherited the allergy doesn't bother with any of it)  but if I want to just observe the hive I just move low and slow and am never bothered.  I do have an appointment to get a prescription for an epi-pen to be on the safe side, but really, I'm not worried about it.
Man has bred these bees to be mild.  It is like staring at a Malmute Husky and a wolf - yeah, they look pretty much the same, but one you would be comfortable petting and one you wouldn't!  Unless your wife is afraid of dogs too... :-D

JC
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: luvin honey on May 11, 2010, 04:27:19 pm
listen to iddee

you both have to come to a compromise.  it sounds like she might not be willing to do that given what she knows about bees.  so continue educating her and others about bees and in due time she should BEE on board ;)  also, assure her that you'll epi shots on site and you all can discuss in depth to her son about bees and how to administer epi shots for him.  but in theory, he shouldn't have to worry as long as he's not messing with the hive. 

good luck!!!


I agree. Lots of gentle education. If you come off as not sounding concerned about her son, obviously that would not be cool. My husband has had some significant reactions, but we just loaded up on Epis. I think I would even consider strapping one onto our posts holding the hives.

What does her son think? He's old enough to have an opinion. If he is comfortable with it, maybe that would be the answer? Our hives are in the back 40 but within sight of the house, and we have never had problem bees by the house unless they followed me after I robbed them.

Could you promise requeening or re-siting if any problems arise?
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: Buzzen on May 11, 2010, 07:46:00 pm
Thanks for all the replies, gives me some ideas to work on !! I'll keep trying. 
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: bigbearomaha on May 11, 2010, 08:36:56 pm
I told my wife when we were married that I do not need another mama and if I want a daughter, we will have one.

Meaning,   I am not her 'boss' she is a grown person who can make up her own mind as to the person she wants to be and (for the most part) what she wants to do and the same applies for me.  I do not need, require or ask permission to do the things I intend to do.

If it is an issue that requires consensus becasue it involves spending an amount of time, money, other resources that are shared/valued by the both of us, then we will discuss it rationally.

My wife is not my mama and  I don't treat her as such.

Big Bear
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: Grandma_DOG on May 11, 2010, 09:51:35 pm
I was in the same situation. The politically expedient solution was to find an outyard more than a mile away.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: iddee on May 11, 2010, 10:07:44 pm
Big Bear, you remind me of the story of the 6'4, 230lb. trucker who married the 5'2 105 lb. lady. On the wedding night he handed her his pants and told her to put them on. She held them up about her neck and said "I can't wear those". He replied with "That's right, now you remember that".

Later that night, she handed him a tiny pair of panties and told him to put them on. Holding them in one hand, he said "I can't get in those things. She replied

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

That's right, as long as you have that da** attitude.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: Bee Happy on May 11, 2010, 11:05:10 pm
My wife is phobic over snakes, really, a picture of a snake makes her nervous. textbook phobia. I don't want snakes though, they barely register on my "stuff to care about" list. I wouldn't suggest that you come right out and TELL your wife that you suspect she's apiphobic (izzat the right word?) but it sounds like a good touch of irrational fear. There are 2 approaches that I know of.  - the gentle way: bee books with lots of illustrations - leave them in the bathroom - say NOTHING. let her approach you about how interesting they are, act like she's bothering you.
2 Immersion: drag her out to a bee yard and lock her out of the car in the middle of a zillion bees. Have a divorce lawyer on speed dial.
Her fears are real to her, even if they seem kind of trivial and silly, I think respecting her fears is a good step into having an honest talk about why she's afraid of them in the first place, and maybe letting her decide for herself if she's being silly.
3 Grandma_dog had a really good idea - find a buddy who will let you keep bees on his lot, remember to share some honey.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: bigbearomaha on May 12, 2010, 08:18:44 am
Nah, if you read my post carefully enough,  we don't treat each other as children needing to seek each others approval for everything.  I treat her like an adult, she treats me the same.

When I told my wife of my decision to work with bees, I had already taken considerations into account for children, space, allergies, etc... her only question was, "when do we start?". 

Even though bugs creep her out, she has been very interested in active in bottling and wax working and helping me prepare for presentations, etc...

Big Bear
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: Rodni73 on May 12, 2010, 09:54:27 am
Just go ahead and bring the bees and put them on your acre property!

It sounds that diplomacy failed and when that happens try to achieve your objective by other means:

Simply say: They are here...! now let's negotiate the entrance reducer.


Whenever my wife stubbornly and senselessly object I just go ahead and do it anyway! After a few times
she got the message and learned to negotiate and compromise in an effort to avert the catastrophe. It works for me!
 
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: thebalvenie on May 12, 2010, 11:21:50 am
Just go ahead and bring the bees and put them on your acre property!

It sounds that diplomacy failed and when that happens try to achieve your objective by other means:

Simply say: They are here...! now let's negotiate the entrance reducer.


Whenever my wife stubbornly and senselessly object I just go ahead and do it anyway! After a few times
she got the message and learned to negotiate and compromise in an effort to avert the catastrophe. It works for me!
 

how charming!  lol
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: VolunteerK9 on May 12, 2010, 11:27:00 am
I have to agree with BigBear and Rodni with this. I am 37 years old and do not require permission to do anything nor do I expect my wife to ask for mine for any of her endeavors. If I feel the need to go buy more chickens, goats, cows, bees etc, I do just as long as my families needs are met.



Simply say: They are here...! now let's negotiate the entrance reducer.


 

My thoughts exactly
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: luvin honey on May 12, 2010, 05:57:15 pm
Well, when something involves possible death to a child, I guess mothers can get a little bit anxious about it... I don't see this as a power balance between a husband and wife but as a mother concerned about the health and life of her child...

Even though the bees could be far away, I can see how she would be anxious. I guess a child molester living at least 1 mile away would not really comfort me, either. Even if someone told me that my kids would be fine as long as they just stayed away from that person's house. I don't think that would cut it for me.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: AllenF on May 12, 2010, 08:42:35 pm
Dude, don't push your luck with your wife.   Give and give and give in some more, we are suppose to show love.  It is better to sleep on the corner of your roof than to share a house with an irate woman.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: Rodni73 on May 12, 2010, 10:45:57 pm
Just do it MAN! Get the bees...! you have a one acre lot.. man you have more chances of Bin Laden and Elvis showing up at your house for dinner than a bee stinging your step son!


-GET THE BEES AND QUIT FRETTING!

Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: luvin honey on May 12, 2010, 10:50:16 pm
As a human, I would be seriously unimpressed with someone who went ahead and put me into what I felt was danger just cuz he really, really, really wanted to. I would probably be swayed if that person took the time to teach me about bees, let me do some research on my own, talk to a doctor or 2 about anaphylaxis and Epi-Pens, etc.

I don't think whether the bees are dangerous or not are the issue. Obviously we on this forum are very biased and feel bees are about the coolest things on earth. If someone is very afraid, and her son is deathly (?) allergic, bees are very, very scary to her. And that should count.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: Buzzen on May 12, 2010, 11:17:53 pm
Yea, I have never witnessed his reaction to a sting, just going by what the wife tells me.Don't know if Its exagerated or not.  Everybody swells up some. I will keep trying the diplomtic approach, I have hope to eventually get the bees. (Almost got the top bar done.....can't waste a good hive!)  One thing is kind of funny,.... all my life I've been around bees to some extent or another and never been stung by a honey bee!
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: iddee on May 12, 2010, 11:21:51 pm
Thank you, Luvin Honey......

The part about teaching and investigating is absolutely needed. A phobia is like alcoholism, it needs to be treated. If the person is willing, help them.

But, if they won't listen to anything or anybody, they don't deserve to have others change their whole life just to cater to their phobia.

Buzzen, be careful. You may be the one to become allergic. Have safety measures in place before proceeding.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: luvin honey on May 12, 2010, 11:22:33 pm
Good luck, buzzen! I feel like an evil beekeeper since my family keeps having large swelling reactions when stung in the face. I feel judged by teachers, in-laws and others who see them, since we all look like aliens after a facial sting! So, definitely a lot of people confuse swelling with an allergic reaction. I hope it works out for you and that everyone will be happy with whatever you decide...
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: Bee Happy on May 12, 2010, 11:28:18 pm
Good luck, buzzen! I feel like an evil beekeeper since my family keeps having large swelling reactions when stung in the face. I feel judged by teachers, in-laws and others who see them, since we all look like aliens after a facial sting! So, definitely a lot of people confuse swelling with an allergic reaction. I hope it works out for you and that everyone will be happy with whatever you decide...
Just ask those judgy, bee hating, preachy types - "you want some too?"
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: luvin honey on May 12, 2010, 11:31:41 pm
Good luck, buzzen! I feel like an evil beekeeper since my family keeps having large swelling reactions when stung in the face. I feel judged by teachers, in-laws and others who see them, since we all look like aliens after a facial sting! So, definitely a lot of people confuse swelling with an allergic reaction. I hope it works out for you and that everyone will be happy with whatever you decide...
Just ask those judgy, bee hating, preachy types - "you want some too?"

Riiiiiggghhhttttt....

It IS a little freaky to have your daughter be unrecognizable to her own grandmother due to swelling. It makes me feel like I am irresponsible or something, but the little sweetie ASKS to go see the bees! Not lately, though...
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: wd on May 13, 2010, 12:08:41 am
I remember when my parents found my pet western pacific rattle snake .. it was handed to me covered in clear epoxy a few inches thick to sand so it could be put in the display case. I know, how does one compare a snake to honey bees?  I think its simply a fear that needs a breath of fresh air to shed some light on. Sure, rattle snakes are dangerous, but it depends how they're kept and handled. If only they could of seen what I saw.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: beee farmer on May 13, 2010, 12:12:28 am
Personally, I would ascertain whether her son does indeed go into anaphalytic shock if stung by a honey bee or if he simply has sever localized swelling.  If he is truly allergic I would reconcider keeping at the house.  There is always that one maladjusted old girl that nails you out of the blue for no good reason that "we" are able to figure out.  Usually something like a skunk been visiting them at nite and we know nothing about or have any controll over that got them in that mode.  Like luvin honey I too have felt pretty small when the grand kids or wife gets zapped and swell up, but they all know about them and love eating fresh honey.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: mysticantiques on May 13, 2010, 01:04:16 am
Last year my daughter sprayed me down with some kinda sun screen I'd never used before. It burnt. Shortly after, I got stung when checking my hives. I had an anaphylactic reaction. When I tried to speak, my lips felt like what I imagine smacking two bananas together would be like. I never itched so badly in all my life. I just wanted to tear my hide off!
My dear husband dashed me to the ER where I was given epinephrine and benadryl and observed for 2-3 hours. It cost 900 bucks.
I'd never had an allergic reaction to a bee sting in my life. I KNEW it was the sunscreen that caused this cascading effect.
A week or so later I was heading out to check my hives when my husband stopped me and said, "I think if we have to make another run to the ER, maybe you should consider a different hobby?"
What a nice guy.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: Bee Happy on May 13, 2010, 01:09:31 am
Have you been stung since? No serious reaction?
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: mysticantiques on May 13, 2010, 01:37:27 am
Yeah, I've been stung since. Probably 20 times at least. No reaction more than a kinda painful bump. It really was that nasty aerosol sunscreen that set it off. I don't recommend that crap.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: Bee Happy on May 13, 2010, 01:45:07 am
Yeah, thanks, I'm  not a real fan of products that burn my skin either.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: bigbearomaha on May 13, 2010, 08:38:16 am
What is interesting here is that it appears there is an "all or none" thing happening in terms of the "to ask permission or just do it" discussion.

There is a 'middle ground' which is what i was discussing.

the OP{'s post was to how to get his wife's permission t oget bees.

My and others reply was don't ask permission, if you want bees, get bees.  Nowhere did we say to ignore the wife or the needs of the kids.

When one makes a decision to work with bees, hopefully, one will have made the necessary considerations beforehand.

If the bees are located off of one's own property, then there need be no worry about accidentally being near the hives.

If one locates the hives on the property, there should be space to keep the hives at such a distance that the only bees happened upon by non-bee interested folks are those flitting around the flowers.

if he has the space he claims, he should be able to locate the hives at such a distance that she  or the kid never need to be near the hives unless they intend to.

Again, these are things to be considered before the conclusion to work with bees is final.

 I never do things simply to appease my desires and impose my will on my family,  I personally do my homework and plan things out because I know my wife and  I can hear the arguments before they happen.

I've been married long enough to know the arguments ahead of time and avoid the argument as much as possible.

Big Bear
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: VolunteerK9 on May 13, 2010, 10:43:54 am
I just don't understand the whole 'we're not going to cuz something might happen'  I'm allergic to bad car wrecks but I don't stay at home living the life of a hermit though. My kids are allergic to catching baseballs in the nose, but they still play that too.  I don't intentionally throw them in harms ways by any means but they dont live in a bubble either.  I was allergic to bee stings as a kid so I know what the whole rushing to the E. R thing is all about. I just have an epi and benadryl on standby. I know that by purchasing honeybees you are increasing the odds of a sting, but have never seen a house or yard that was bee or wasp free naturally.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: Tucker1 on May 13, 2010, 12:42:20 pm
I thin the advice to go slow and consider her feelings is correct. Pointing out bees to her that exist on your property was a great suggestion. Once she becomes comfortable with watching bees, you can progress from there. Eventually, you might take her to visit a friend that has a single or two hives and slowly let her observe the hive.

The one thing that is really important is to explain the difference between bee and wasp/hornet behavior. Most people confuse the two, especially if they didn't become familiar with insects as a child.

Surprisingly, my wife took to bees fairly quickly. Now she helps with extraction and has offered to feed the girls when I gone in the early spring.

Sometime, it just takes slow exposure to the perceived threat to overcome it. The advice about determining if the boy is really seriously allergic is also important. If it's life threatening, you need to reconsider the idea of having bees on your property.  My best advice is to just go slowly, acknowledge her concerns and work with her.  You'll be surprised how she will become more accommodating if she feels you understand her concerns.

Regards,
Tucker1
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: thebalvenie on May 13, 2010, 01:21:08 pm
seriously
don't listen to rodni73 or the other like minded

sure you get your way and get bees...but it's A$$hole thing to do.  if you value your marriage and you respect your wife and her perspective then by all means talk to her about it and try to compromise.  on the other hand, if you're a pretentious, selfish and outright disrespectful human then go for it...if you're like that...not even sure why you'd come on an online forum to gather our opinions.

"The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one." -Steckl
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: D Coates on May 13, 2010, 02:06:24 pm
Remember, if you run roughshod over her concerns, it's fairplay for her to do the same no matter what you say.  She's your wife, you should know here better than anyone.  With any marriage it's a give and take, you have to read the situation.  If the son does have a bad reaction, a divorce attorney or some REALLY shiny jewelry purchases may be in your future.

Currently I'm in a similar position trying to get a shoulder mounted 13-point buck on the wall in my house.  I've given up some rooms (bed, living, dining) but putting a +/- $1k mount of the biggest best looking deer I've ever gotten in 30+ years of hunting in a hidden hallway is a waste.  I have only one other mount.  The negotiations are still underway.  

On a separate note, my father would run roughshod over my mom.  She took it for a while (48+ years), then she finally dropped him.  All jokes aside she should have left him looong before that.  She left him 2 years prior to their 48th and was finally enjoying her life then was killed in a auto wreck 3 months after the divorce was final.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: joker1656 on May 13, 2010, 02:38:37 pm
I don't know if it is convincing, but none of my kids have been stung by my bees, or any others for that matter.  Well, they have, but not since we have kept them.  My bees are less than 30 yards off of one of our walking trails through our woods.  My kids have a tree house less than 80 yds from the bees.  Our yard has dandelions and clover galore (too much).  We have an inground pool.  My kids are outside pretty much every chance they get.  They run through the yard bare foot most of the time.  Visiting kids have not been stung.  We walk near the hives often. 

When we were considering bees, we knew one of our kids had a mild reaction to a sting when he was two.  He has never had another reaction like that.  I have had a reaction that cost me several hundred dollars, but that was my own fault and another story all together.  We keep epi-pens on hand. 

Keeping bees probably has an imperceptible effect on the probability of a general person being stung on your property.  That is just my opinion, but unless they're AHB you almost have to work at getting stung to get stung.  FWIW
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: Rodni73 on May 13, 2010, 05:34:37 pm
Just for the record.

After reading some of the replies I seriously considered getting rid of my bees! I mean what if a bee stings me? or what if a bee stings the neighbor's dog? What if one flies over the cookoos nest? Get real people what if an asteroid strikes earth? Do we have to live and let the WHAT IF RUIN our lives...1

I kayak fish in the bay? What if a great white attack? What if I get run over by a boat? What if Godzilla shows up to destroy NY city like "The Clover Field Project movie" lol. I teach in an urban school district.. What if I get assaulted in a bad neighborhood? What if I become a gang initiation victim..! What if..

Just read some of the replies and it sounds like a litigation lawsuit.. With some who has no idea and are generalizing about this and that type!

My type:
1-I love my wife
2-I respect and adore my wife with all of my heart
3-I happily die for my wife if it saves her life.

So there is no need for people to stereotype and generalize!  This guy has an acre property do you know how big that is? That is three times the amount of property I have. I have two hives and I live in the suburbs and for the love of Jesus people are now keeping bees in Brooklyn and NY city while some are advising him not to get bees on an acre! Just because his partner is afraid...

By the way I am off to enjoy the 45" striped bass that I caught on my Kayak last sunday.. Ohhh nooo
what if the oven explodes??? What if I am alergic to fish? hmmmmmmmmmmm

-Rodni
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: charlotte on May 13, 2010, 06:02:56 pm
For many people bees are scary.  Even scarier when you throw in epi pen & bees in the same sentance...

In my house, my husband & I have an unspoken agreement...Unless it involves spending a ton of money, we each do what we want.  However, if it involves allergic reactions, that may be different. 

My thoughts- Personally- either find a nice outyard, not too far away OR perhaps when your step son is visiting you could cover the hive for the weekend with a moving screen or one of those nets that Dadant sells?  The kind that you would use if you had to contain bees because of spraying pesticides, etc?  Just a thougtht.  Not ideal, but it may just be the best of both worlds.  You get to have your bees at home (on the far end of your one acre, facing away from the house), and yet you are being considerate & thoughtful.  Fear & love are powerful things...and a mother's love is like no other.  If she is truly scared for her son's life- you are not going to win. Why upset your happy home? Good luck & let us know what happens...
If nothing else- get an outyard--beekeeping is a great hobby- it's just not for everyone.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: TwoBigCats on May 13, 2010, 06:31:49 pm
I do not need, require or ask permission to do the things I intend to do.  If it is an issue that requires consensus becasue it involves spending an amount of time, money, other resources that are shared/valued by the both of us, then we will discuss it rationally.
buahahahaha, this would be funny if it weren't... oh, heck - it IS funny.

so you're saying health concerns about her son aren't shared values?

buahahahahahahaha.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: greenbtree on May 13, 2010, 06:51:02 pm
Wow, if he comes only once a month, I think covering them with a screen is a great idea! Just do it the night before! Way to go Charlotte!

JC
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: bigbearomaha on May 13, 2010, 07:24:08 pm
I do not need, require or ask permission to do the things I intend to do.  If it is an issue that requires consensus becasue it involves spending an amount of time, money, other resources that are shared/valued by the both of us, then we will discuss it rationally.
buahahahaha, this would be funny if it weren't... oh, heck - it IS funny.

so you're saying health concerns about her son aren't shared values?

buahahahahahahaha.

Nope, I didn't say that, you simply heard what you wanted to hear.  so to speak.

Did you pay attention to the post after that where  I clarified I don't just do things without doing taking the proper considerations first?  Apparently not.

Some people trust each other and know that their spouse will not just errantly take action without taking all things into consideration first, thus, there isn't much need to get 'permission' from each other as we know the other is trustworthy and can be counted on to think of things like that before hand.

Big Bear
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: Bee Happy on May 13, 2010, 07:31:55 pm
 ;) I'd verify the allergy and then work from there.  We have a regular dinner guest who claims to be allergic. (she also dislikes chocolate - the commie.) I'm thinking that if she were truly allergic, she wouldn't come to dinner. (I asked and got the "I swell a lot" answer)
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: Sparky on May 13, 2010, 11:55:42 pm
You could try the back door approach and see what the son thinks. If you can arouse his curiosity of the honey bees and get him a full suit so that he can get involved, she may come around.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: bull on May 14, 2010, 12:07:15 am
I forgot  :>
I have found its easier to say sorry , than ever ask permission at my house.
Have i mentioned I'm always in a lot of trouble.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: luvin honey on May 14, 2010, 02:18:03 am
I think you HAVE to find out about the son's reactions. If it is just swelling, then you have a lot of reasonable options. If it is deadly, that's a whole other matter.

And Rodni, maybe you're just joking and I'm not catching it in this medium, but to compare a beekeeper and their family getting stung to the likelihood of getting hit by asteroids or attacked by a great white? Huh? My family has all been stung multiple times (1 year of bees). The bees are FAR from the house (more than several acres), but it is true that the stings usually happen near the hive and not in our yard. My dad, visiting the hive, got nailed in the head.

A queenless hive, a drought, or even walnuts endlessly landing on the hive and things can change and lead to pissy bees. I've seen this after only 1 year.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: Rodni73 on May 14, 2010, 10:14:35 am
<<a queenless hive, a drought, or even walnuts endlessly landing on the hive and things can change and lead to pissy bees. I've seen this after only 1 year.>>

I agree with you! Then when his step son shows up for a visit keep him away from the beehive that is located on the corner of the 1 acre lot. No problems.. Beside most people who claim to be alergic to bees have no clue and they have a typical localized swelling reaction. He should find out about the child and take steps to protect and ensure his safety while visiting.

One thing though.. there are things in a relationship that cannot and must not be taken unless both partners discuss the situation. However, bringing a hive to a one acre lot should not be such a big deal...! I mean people are keeping bees on their roofs in Brooklin.. or on their balconies in NY city and matter of fact.. in Paris I saw people keeping bees on the roofs of their appartment buildings. I am prety sure there are a lot of deathly alergic people in those cities but the bees are allowed to be there because the risk of stinging is not so great.

That's my last comment on this subject!

 "GET THOSE BEES AND STOP FRETTING ABOUT IT"

What the big deal.. a little top bar hive on an acre..!
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: philinacoma on May 14, 2010, 11:08:50 am
My wife bought me my first hive. She has been the only one to get stung so far. Appart from myself, but that wasn't their fault, the hive was sinking into the ground after we had all that rain...

My reaction to a sting is very minor. My wife's reaction is the limb swelling, the itchiness and most of all the screaming and recrimination. Her answer is to learn how to look after the bees too. Just as long as she can do so wearing a very thick wet suit.

PS: I forgot to mention the dogs learning that it was not a good idea to annoy all of those buzzing things comming and going from those wooden boxes.  ;)
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: luvin honey on May 15, 2010, 01:48:29 am
Well, tonight DH suggested we go check on the girls. I was about 1 foot from the entrance, peeking in. He was still about 15 feet away when he got nailed. Right on the eyelid. I do not understand why this happens so often to my family. So I get to look like a selfish, evil beekeeper again who refuses to get rid of the bees no matter how often my family's faces are swollen into balloons!  :roll:
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: lenape13 on May 16, 2010, 07:00:01 am
Well, tonight DH suggested we go check on the girls. I was about 1 foot from the entrance, peeking in. He was still about 15 feet away when he got nailed. Right on the eyelid. I do not understand why this happens so often to my family. So I get to look like a selfish, evil beekeeper again who refuses to get rid of the bees no matter how often my family's faces are swollen into balloons!  :roll:

Well, stop peeking in the front for starters.  That's one sure way of getting nailed.  I work my hives from the rear, and many times I only wear my veil and gloves.  If you work slowly and carefully, they don't even get cranky.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: Kathyp on May 16, 2010, 10:09:42 am
tell her that you have given up on the bee idea.  go get lots of catalogers for the most expensive and time consuming sport or hobby you can think of.  leave them around the place, take them to bed with you, and talk about it all the time.   :evil:

i don't have much patience with people who are fearful.  i understand concern for the child, but he's taking a risk every time he steps out the door.  there are tons of stingy thing out there.  a few bees won't much matter.


“Improvise, Modify, Adapt, Overcome”
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: Michael Bush on May 17, 2010, 12:42:47 am
I would never try to tell someone how to convince anyone of anything, let alone their wife...

But I think the misunderstanding is that there will be a lot more bees around.  There really won't be a noticable amount more.  That's what people don't understand.  The only place you see a lot is in the flight path in front of the hive.  A six foot  fence will put that over your head.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: bull on May 17, 2010, 01:40:10 am
Good answers , i just start talking about buying a firetruck a 28 footer then my wife is thinking where I'm going to put it . then a week later i tell her i want to order a new ? or supplies and that fine but no firetruck OK.  (yes dear) for now.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: ivashka on May 17, 2010, 02:22:10 am
Listen, if she is scared, you have got to understand her side.  Put your hive some place else, and every time you plan to go and visit the hive, take her along, but don't tell her where you're going.  Pretend than you are just stopping by to check on them as you are passing by.  She'll watch you from the car, next time, she may even come out to look at them, and than she'll warm up realizing they are not as bad and dangareous.

Also, this has nothing to do about treating leach other like children or like she's your mama.  She is your wife and you are her spouse and you have to undertand each others point of view and meet each other some where in the middle.  Don't just DO what you feel like it.  That's the benefit of being married is doing things together.  You talk things thru and work it out.  When you do what you FEEL LIKE doing means you have no respect for your spouse and you don't care about them at all. 

Let her warm up to them.  My wife was also scared of bees and we have 3 little children.  What i did was I put fancing about my hives so when children are playing in our backyard they don't come too close and stick their fingers in that hole.  It worked great and we haven't had any problems. 

My wife is still scared of them to death and doesn't come close but she is no longer against them.
Title: Re: How do I convince the wife??????
Post by: luvin honey on May 19, 2010, 01:01:53 am
Well, stop peeking in the front for starters.  That's one sure way of getting nailed. 
I only do that after determining their mood and approaching from the side. HE was quite a distance away when he got nailed.... Go figure.