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Author Topic: Grandpa and the I.R.S.  (Read 1698 times)

Offline hardwood

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Grandpa and the I.R.S.
« on: September 04, 2009, 05:43:36 pm »
>
> The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.
>
> The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
>
> The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'
>
> I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'
>
> The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'
>
> Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'
>
> The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
>
> Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
>
> Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'
>
> Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
>
> Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
>
> The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
>
> 'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
>
> The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
>
> Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
>
> The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
>
> But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
>
> 'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
>
> 'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'
>
> Don't Mess with Old People!!
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"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag...We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language...And we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."

Theodore Roosevelt 1907

Offline beecanbee

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Re: Grandpa and the I.R.S.
« Reply #1 on: September 04, 2009, 06:44:18 pm »
priceless  :) :)
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"I come from a state that raises corn and cotton and cockleburs and Democrats, and frothy eloquence neither convinces nor satisfies me. I am from Missouri. You have got to show me."  Duncan Vandiver

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Offline 1reb

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Re: Grandpa and the I.R.S.
« Reply #2 on: September 04, 2009, 09:52:33 pm »
 X:X :devilbanana: :lau: :piano: :devilbanana:
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Offline Jim134

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Re: Grandpa and the I.R.S.
« Reply #3 on: September 04, 2009, 10:08:21 pm »
 :lau: :lau: X:X X:X


    BEE HAPPY Jim 134  :)
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